A step back or a step ahead?

Well,l I succeeded once again in failure! I recently noticed that my life had just seemed to stop. My world just seemed to quit turning. What was this for, I didn't know at the moment? I was working, reading my Bible, and staying at home out of trouble, there was nothing I saw that could be wrong, But inside I just felt empty, lost, hollow.

A few months into this feeling of being in space lost and being the only one surrounded by all the unknown, I began to wake up. I'm not sure what exactly brought this awakening about but I'm thankful today that it began.

It was another day at home around lunchtime and I knew he would be calling from work shortly. I made sure I was awake to answer his call if need be and went about my daily routine. I started light because I was still feeling the effects from last night a little. It didn't take much, I was feeling better already. Little did I know that there was no more in the house at that time so I finished off the supply and waited for him to come home from work with more.

I had now quit my job because I had found the GM passed out drunk and was a little jealous I suppose so I came home to do the same. Besides i- writer and medium would get me by for things I needed for a while. The days got longer and longer and I could only write so much on this phone. Without a computer,r I was limited to things to write and the platforms I chose. Every so often I would refresh my buzz with a small drink and find something to clean or write or mow the yard or something to pass time and my thoughts ran rampant.

I moved to this town with the love if my life and we got sober. How 3 years later have I found myself drowning my days away in liquor. It's a question that I already knew the answer to. I was living in denial. A dark, cold, lonely place is denial and I was sinking in faster and faster.

I guess I just slowly realized that life was moving on without me and I had better catch up because on April 14 I found myself standing at a treatment center. I packed my stuff, told my love goodbye, and decided to try to catch up with my long-lost life. I graduated from this treatment center yesterday and I am a nervous wreck. I don't have a clue how to live life around people and I love to isolate myself. Today has been challenging, back home with no job and stuff but my writing has kept me sane.

I'm not sure if I had a point or ending to this little piece of my thoughts but I needed to share some of the stuff on my mind, or else I will overload. I'm super grateful to have this platform that I can write on and not be judged. Please feel free to leave comments but please no negativity. If you look back you can read my article a while back about my recovery journey and see how I was in complete denial over what had happened in my life to the point I was blinded.

My love also quit on the 19th. So here we come again sobriety!!! Let the journey begin, or restart for the millionth time lol... As long as we never give up we can succeed!